I have a female Austrian friend who has kept in contact with me since she first came over as a student in 1987. She has visited me at least once, sometimes 2 or 3 times every year since. She has never been a shy girl (understatement of the year) and has always taken advantage of the way my garden is situated to sunbathe naked in the summer. (It's South facing, and not overlooked in any direction.) In August this year, she came over with her boyfriend and an old schoolfriend of hers (see How to impress and Austrian Girl) and as usual, as soon as the sun came out, off came their kit. Now the rear of my house backs on to Portchester Castle shore, and is surrounded by woods which get very dry in the summer. One spark and you've got a serious fire which threatens the entire area. One afternoon, as they lay there starkers, I heard the familiar crackle of flames from the other side of my fence. I ran out, and sure enough there was a bush fire. Surprisingly, it had been just discovered by 3 boys on bikes. (Suspicious or what?) I rushed back in and grabbed a hose pipe, but it wasn't long enough to reach the flames. So I filled a bucket, ran back out and emptied it over the increasingly growing fire. By now, several neighbours from similarly threatened houses were at the scene, trying to beat back the flames. As I turned around for a refill, I bumped straight into my Austrian friend, still naked, running out my back gate with another bucket. I had to physically push her back in the garden, before the whole world got to see her bits. She couldn't see the problem. There's a fire, put it out. Worry about clothes later. I know she meant well, but my neighbours would have had a fit if she had taken 2 more steps. As it was, the young lads on bikes couldn't believe their eyes as they gazed at all that bare flesh. I noticed them hanging around the back for days later, hoping for another glimpse.