Good job my lodger wasn't in on Saturday.
From my lounge I spotted one of my pesky squirrels with it's young family in tow bounding around in my back garden. Legging it upstairs, I grabbed my Yashika SLR camera, hastily screwed on one of my large telephoto lenses and quietly opened my bedroom window to get a shot of this happy family. Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a flurry of movement in my next door neighbours garden. There he was, bollock naked on a deckchair with a copy of Penthouse open at the centrefold on his lap. The rest of his activities I'll leave to your imagination, but boy did he jump when he saw my large lens emerging through my net curtains. God knows what he must have been thinking of (I dread to think, though I have a pretty good idea).
His garden is in direct line of site to all my upstairs windows. I don't know who he thought was the bigger pervert. Him happily 'masticating' al fresco, or me with my camera swinging around to get evidence of his manly manipulations. My previous lodger made accusations of similar activities she had witnessed, but thank the Lord I'd never come across it (excuse the phrase) until now. I have never seen anyone put on a pair of shorts so fast in my life.
Bet he'll think twice before doing that again.