Austria snoring

New Years Eve in Styria, Southern Austria, was a night to remember. Not only for the vast amounts of snow that fell, dramatically altering the venue's atmosphere, but for the all night party that accompanied our celebrations. My previous record for N.Y.E. bedtime was 6.03am, and I was determined to beat it. A crowd of my Austrian friend Renate's pals had driven down across country during the day to join us for the party night. When they finally arrived, slowed down by the copious amounts of fluffy white stuff, most of the rooms in our hotel block were already spoken for. One of the lads was given the choice of either staying in another building, or kipping the night in my room on the spare bed. Since I had no intention of using my room till after 6am, it didn't bother me at all. But...I warned him that I snore...LOUDLY. Especially when I've been drinking. "No bother" he said, "so do I" Ok, sorted. So he dumped his stuff in my room, and the party began. He lasted till 3.30am, then disappeared for the night after a heady mixture of champagne, beer and schnapps had got the better of him. To cut a very long story short, with a supreme effort of willpower I managed to stay awake till 6.30am, at which point both my eyes and brain handed in the towel simultaneously. Whereupon I was most unceremoniously half dragged, half carried up the stairs and dumped in a heap on my bed. Around 10.30am my head rejoined the human race, albeit with a splitting headache. Forcing myself out from between the sheets, I attempted to get to the bathroom to relieve my aching bladder. Hang on a minute. There's something missing. Not only was my temporary lodger not in sight, but nor was the spare bed. "Funny", I thought. Still, more important things to attend to. My poor pee-pee gland. Opening the toilet door, I bumped straight into my new flatmate coming out. CARRYING HIS BED!!! By all accounts, my snoring had been so gross, he had to drag his bed into the loo and sleep with his head resting on the pan. Even though it must have been incredibly uncomfortable, evidently that was still preferable to my concerto.

Some people just have no regard for my unique talent.

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